Trigger Warning: Filicide, ableism
It’s safe to say that the idea of murdering a child or loved one is a universally evil act. However, when it’s a disabled person who is murdered, the media tends to center the murderer as justified in their actions. They’ll use excuses like the victim being “difficult to care for” or calling the murderer “a devoted and loving mother.” In response, the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and partner organizations hold a Disability Day of Mourning Vigil annually to mourn disabled individuals who were murdered by their caregivers. This year’s vigil was held on March 1. An event like this should not have to exist, but because of our ableist society, it unfortunately does.
While some may think that a lack of services could drive a parent to filicide, that is actually not the case. As ASAN states in their Anti-Filicide Toolkit,
“There are thousands of families across the country with insufficient or nonexistent services who refrain from murdering their disabled family members. In addition, most high-profile cases have occurred in upper-middle-class communities and have been committed by parents who either refused services or had more family services than is typical.”
A notable example of this is the attempted murder of Issy Stapleton, where her mother locked Issy and herself in a van while a charcoal grill was burning, waiting for the both of them to die from carbon monoxide poisoning. According to a relative named Samantha Crane, family members had stated that Issy’s mother was offered services and given tips by aides to follow strategies which would manage Issy’s behavior in a way that wouldn’t cause meltdowns. Despite that, the mother rejected the advice. Issy’s grandmother Eileen Stapleton criticized the mother by stating that she had “unbridled freedom” while Issy was at school, therapy, or with aides. She said that the mother had time to blog, write books, and even spend a month in Africa, despite her blog claiming that she “never once had any peace or rest.” The murder-suicide was, in Eileen’s eyes, a cry for sympathy, not an act of love. Thankfully, Issy is alive and well (albeit with some brain damage), enjoying her life while her mother is in prison for her crimes.
In May 2020, a nine-year-old nonspeaking autistic boy named Alejandro Ripley was murdered by his mother in Florida. She pushed him into a canal, where he was saved by onlookers the first time, not knowing his mother pushed him in. Later that night, she pushed him into a different canal, but no one was there to save him. She originally fabricated the story to police by saying that he was abducted by men demanding drugs, but later confessed to the crime. When confessing, the mother said, “he is going to be in a better place.” There is no evidence that the boy wanted to die, but even if he did, a parent murdering their child is reprehensible and unacceptable. A better place would have been anywhere away from a homicidal mother, not dead.
Murders of disabled people are not exclusive to the US or to children. In September of last year, Yoko Shinya from Saitama, Japan was murdered by her son while laying in her hospital bed. She was 76 years old and had an unspecified chronic disease. The killer told police that he “couldn’t bear watching” and wanted to “make her comfortable.” A chronic disease does not give someone a license to kill the person afflicted by it.
To prevent such tragic events in the future, one must change the conversation by centering the victim and condemning the murderer. You must refuse to “understand,” excuse, justify, minimize, or normalize a parent killing their child. The same applies to anyone murdering a disabled family member. The perpetrators need to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, similarly to other filicides; you must also demand that people with disabilities have equal protections under the law. Next, you need to challenge the notion that it’s better to be dead than disabled, that disabled people are a drain on society, that disability means suffering, and that disabled lives are not worth living. Lastly, if you know someone who talks about killing their child or contemplating it, turn them in. The full set of rules can be found in ASAN’s Anti-Filicide Toolkit.
Even though over 700 people with disabilities have been murdered by their parents, relatives, or caregivers in the past five years, that is only counting the victims whose deaths have been covered by the media. It’s not unlikely that many more have died at the hands of those close to them. The one silver lining to the Disability Day of Mourning Vigil is this: we acknowledge that the victims were full human beings with lives of their own, and they will not be forgotten by us. Their stories will live on, and those of us who mourn for them will spread awareness of the growing problem of filicide. All disabled people’s lives have meaning and worth, and we will ensure that the public knows this. To Alejandro, Yoko, and everyone else who have met similar fates to them… you will be missed.
Note: In accordance with ASAN’s Anti-Filicide Toolkit, the murderers’ names were deliberately not mentioned in this piece so as to not give them a platform. The full names for 2020 and 2021 are here. The rest of the names from previous vigils can be found on the same website.