Today on Neurodiversity News, I have had the pleasure to speak with Melanie Keiling, who runs the wonderful page, Autistic Grandma.
Neurodiversity News: Tell me about yourself and what you do.
Melanie Keiling: I am a 50-year-old stay at home autistic mother of four autistic kids. I spend my free time running my blog, Autistic Grandma. I like to share my day-to-day experiences as an autistic woman navigating life in a NT world, and my strategies for dealing with stress and anxiety. The majority of my content is directed at helping autistic adults heal from childhood trauma and to develop their coping skills, but I also share tips on parenting autistic children. I try to do this all with a side of humor through my memes and funny anecdotes.
NN: In what way did learning you were autistic change your life?
MK: When I realized I was autistic, my life changed dramatically. For decades, I believed I was a bad person and felt out of place in the world. Realizing my differences were normal for an autistic helped me learn to love myself for once in my life. The realization that I came from a long line of autistics, who also never developed coping skills or healed from their own childhood traumas, allowed me to not only understand the importance of healing myself, but has allowed me to forgive and enjoy my own life.
NN: How has being a parent for autistic children influenced you as an advocate?
MK: I have learned that autistic parents have a nice advantage when it comes to understanding the support needs of their autistic children. Being full of empathy and having similar sensory needs has served me well. My oldest son was diagnosed as “worst case scenario” autistic, and all that implies. He was nonverbal until he was six years old, and the support I received from the medical community was dismal. I decided to not listen to their preconceived prognosis, and simply supported his interests and spent all my time bonding with him. I quit college and my job, and sat down and played with him.
I was told that he would never talk, and he would need to be removed from my home and placed is a facility as he reached puberty. Well they were wrong! He was communicating all along, and I was listening. At 17, he has far outgrown his prognosis. Sometimes you have to learn to unlearn what you believe to be proper parenting. If you notice in my blog when you see my oldest son, you are seeing the fruit of years of proper support, love and patience, not the outcome of the story the doctors tried to write for him.
NN: Who are your greatest inspirations?
MK: My greatest inspiration was my father. He was a good person and had a heart of gold. He and I always had so much in common, and through shared interests, we bonded and supported one another emotionally. I miss him terribly.
My children inspire me to get up every morning and be the best example I can be. Through their love, I have discovered that I am not unlovable. In their eyes, I see hope for a better future for all people. Their empathy for everyone around them extends directly into me, and that connection gives me the strength I need to face another day.
By natural extension, the autistic community inspires me. With my heightened empathy, I can feel everyone. Sometimes what I feel makes me block people out, but that has only served as a useful device to home in on the people that are really my people. The people I surround myself with on the internet are a carefully chosen group that keep my eye on the path I follow. They are like my chosen family.
NN: What do you hope to achieve in the future?
MK: I would like to see the autistic youth step up and carry our mutual cause of acceptance and support for autistics worldwide into the future. I hope to help give them the support and platform to do so. Truth be told, I am an old autistic, and I am very sick. Cancer is no joke. What I believe I can leave for the community is love, and the challenge to open up your mind and allow that empathy to flow through you. Love yourself first, and take care of your needs, and you will naturally find your balance and heal. Through personal healing, you will exude joy, which will shine a light from you that will be a beacon for others like you. Build the community this way, and great things will come.